Of Mothers and Daughters

My mother died more than 30 years ago, but I think of her almost daily. While reviewing my sporadic diary I found an entry from 1996, written on my daughter's birthday, that is a tribute to that eternal connection. 

June 1, 1996

"My mother taught me that daughters were special for many reasons, but one thing I remember her saying - that you never lose a daughter. While sons still love you and will take care of you, society still dictates that care giving is done by women. So the old saw, "a son is your son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is your daughter all of her life." Intellectually, I know this is not a cultural truth. The world says sons are the more important - hence China ran out of women, since the parents all want to have a son who will care for them when they are old. Many people put a high value on passing on the family name, even in America. but my relationship with my mother was far more than a cultural more. It was a friendship, with her caring beyond reason about me and my family. there was that little pain I know she felt when I hurt - her offering to do something, anything, to assist me. She wanted my happiness more than anything. I always knew that I would take care of her when she needed me, just as she did me.

That's how I feel about you, daughter. I want to fix your hurts, just like I did when you were a little girl. And I want you to be happy. I am just as proud of you and your life as my mother was of me. We have many more years to share that special relationship. And to pass it on. while I don't know whether my mother thought about the possibility that she might become physically unable to care for herself alone, until it happened ... but I know as well that should it happen to me, you will be there as I will for you. " That's what mother/daughter friendships are about!

I took care of my mother and dad for several years before they died. They were a standard for all of us to live by. I tried to pass on those qualities to my children, who helped care for them as well while they were teenagers. I believe that caring has influenced their lives and made them who they are - wonderful people whom I admire, respect and love. A fitting tribute!